just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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