So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
