I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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