One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Randomize
