my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
