last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
