Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
