so that wasnt chicken after all
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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