So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
