Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
