can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
