She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize