At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
