Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
