2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
