At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Randomize
