Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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