so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
