i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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