he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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