make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Can I color on your dick again?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
