I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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