dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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