i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
