What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
