You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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