Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
is this the sara with the beer cane?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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