twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
