The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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