Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Randomize
