At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
as a side note pls kill me
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
