i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Everything about him screamed your future.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
We had sex on a dog bed..
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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