This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Green mimosas i think yes
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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