I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize