She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
