Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
