That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
