i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
