she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize