ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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