He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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