Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize