just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
