I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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