My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
We had sex on a dog bed..
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
there is glitter all over my balls
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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