do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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