As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
