I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
