Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
