you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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