He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Someone came in the potted fern
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
