I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
