I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
