so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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