Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
