Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
