I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
