Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
