i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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