he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
