1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
