His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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