Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
