they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize