Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
