I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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