: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
he fucked my hip out of place.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
