he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
