Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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