this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
