Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
