There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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