I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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