It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
