Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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