I'm going to jail i love you
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
