I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
