3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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