so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
