after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
We smell like vodka and hangover
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