he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
